


Runnin' Down a Dream

by LadyJanelly



Series: CM hooker-fic [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M, ex-hooker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 00:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyJanelly/pseuds/LadyJanelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer compartmentalizes</p>
            </blockquote>





	Runnin' Down a Dream

Spencer wasn’t kidding when he said he was good at compartmentalizing his life. He works the case Gideon brought him in for like he’d been profiling for years (would have to have been to stay alive while he sold his body to random men) and acts like he’s never seen Morgan before they were reintroduced to each other as FBI agents. He’s polite and bright but shy. Not once does he slip up or call Derek anything but “Morgan.” Not once, not even on the plane ride back, does he give Derek as much as an acknowledging glance. 

And it makes Morgan a little crazy. Who does this kid think he is and what, if anything, should Derek tell Hotch?

He’s still thinking about it an hour after he gets home. Stretched out on his couch with his eyes closed he lets the phone ring three times before he rolls over and picks it up dreading an emergency call from JJ sending them out on another job.

The caller ID says “Spencer” and something in Derek relaxes at that even though he’s still sort of pissed about this whole keeping secrets thing. 

“Hey,” he says and “I’m sorry, Derek” and the quiet contrition in his voice goes a long way towards soothing Derek’s hurt feelings. “I thought I’d have more time. I didn’t mean to spring it on you that way but they pulled me out of the academy early for this case.”

Morgan wants to be mad but the anger doesn’t come. “Don’t worry about it, we’re cool.” He can’t hear Spencer sigh or anything but the tension on the line is gone. “So what’d you think of your first unsub?” 

So they talk. About the job and about their different experiences in FBI training courses. When Derek starts to yawn he says “Hey, you know you can still call, right?”

“Yeah,” says Spencer all soft and tired himself. “I know. Thanks.” 

\-----------

“It was for my mom.”

Derek’s getting used to this. Spencer calling him between cases or even when they’re in hotel rooms supposed to be getting a few hours sleep before going out and searching for a lead. 

“Isn’t that like the biggest prostitution cliché ever?”

Morgan lets his soft smile slip into his voice. “I think I’ve heard that one before.” It feels like one of those calls where Spencer just needs to talk. To have someone hear what he’s done and why. Confessions. It seems like it’s good for him.

“I just didn’t want you to think I was there for some frivolous reason.”

“I never thought that.” 

Spencer is quiet for a few moments. Facts are easy for him. Feelings take more work. 

“She was sick. Is sick. She needed full-time care. I couldn’t take care of her and the state facilities--I’ve seen nicer prisons.”

“You did what you felt you had to,” Derek says. “There’s no shame in that.” He aches for the choices Spencer has had to make.

There’s silence on the other end of the connection for a long while and he wonders if the kid’s fallen asleep. 

“It was for me.” Spencer’s voice is a whisper. “I had a corporate job offer before I even finished school. They offered me a six-figure signing bonus. I could have taken it. I wanted this. The BAU. Gideon’s offer. I wanted it more than I wanted to not be fucked by strangers.”

“You wanted to help people,” Derek offers but Spencer cuts him off.

“I wanted to matter. I wanted to be seen. And I gave up myself to do it. I let--I became faceless and I sold--”

“Kid,” Derek cuts in, “Spencer. You’re in a good place now. You make a difference and you do matter. You deserve to be seen and respected.”

Silence stretches again and then he hears Spencer’s shuddering sigh. “Thanks.”

Derek smiles again. Soft and sad. They all question sometimes. Why they’re here. Is it to make the world better or just to prove that they’re better than their past. To make up for not taking a stand when they could have, should have.

“I think you’re the first person besides my mom to ever see me,” Spencer whispers. “Not the big brain on two legs or the convenient hole for some guy to put his dick in. Just--me.”

And what the hell can he say to something like that? 

“The whole team sees you now.” It sounds like a start. “You do matter to all of us.”

“But you were the first.” He can hear the smile in Spencer’s voice. Mission accomplished. “’Night, Derek.”

“’Night, pretty-boy.” 

\---------

 

“The barista where I get my coffee on the weekends asked me to dinner.”

Derek wipes sweat and drywall dust off of his forehead and sits down on the bucket of gap filler. Time for a break anyway. 

“Yeah? What do you think about that?” He’s fishing for more information and stalling for a second to squash the spark of jealousy he feels at the same time.

“He--I don’t know.” 

Derek frowns. “What is there not to know? Does he seem like a nice guy? Do you like him? Are you attracted?” 

“I--”

Shit. Spencer wouldn’t be the first straight boy to sell himself. Derek softens his voice. “Spencer, do you even like guys?”

There’s an ominous pause. “Some cultures view sexuality as a malleable thing, a set of triggers and opinions shaped by the prevailing environment. In ancient Greece--”

“Reid.” Derek isn’t loud but his voice and the use of Spencer’s last name cuts off the flow of the younger man’s words. “You. Right here, right now. Do you like guys?”

The quiet stretches again and if Spencer starts on another lecture, Derek is gonna drive over there and shake him.

“There are men in my life that I have a positive physical and emotional response to.”

Derek grins even as that flare of jealousy burns in his gut again. “And this guy?”

“Is attractive, personable, witty enough as he’s making my coffee.”

“Dangerous in any way?” Derek trusts Spencer to screen his own dates for the level of threat they might present but it doesn’t hurt to make the kid think about it with that big-brain intellect instead of just going on instinct.

“Not likely.”

“A date can be just a date,” Derek says all soft and gentle. “You go out, you have dinner. If you aren’t having fun, you eat and then catch a cab. If you like him you make plans for next time or you take him home and have wild monkey sex on that ugly-ass couch of yours.”

“What if he wants--” 

Derek waits a beat but Spencer doesn’t finish the thought. 

“Spencer. You can say no to anything. If he wants sex, if he wants commitment, whatever. Just be honest with him. Dating is about finding what you both want.”

“Okay.” Spencer sounds like he’s psyching himself up. “Okay. I should call him then?”

“If that’s what you want.” Derek wants Spencer to be happy but he draws the line at shoving him into another man’s arms. 

“Okay,” Spencer says, “Thanks.”

\----------------

Four days go by and Derek isn’t sure if Spencer went on that date or not. Saturday comes and if Derek has canceled his own night out on the town to be alone and in the quiet when the phone rings at a quarter ‘til midnight he’ll never admit it.

Spencer’s quiet for long seconds after Derek’s hello and if this guy’s hurt him Derek will make his life a living hell.

“He left.” Spencer’s voice is soft and lost and it hurts to hear him that way. “We had dinner and sex and he said thanks and he left.”

“Shit,” says Derek and “I’m sorry, man. That sucks.”

“I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Derek can imagine Spencer giving off a weird vibe and mixed signals but pointing out his quirks would only make them worse.

“You can’t take things like that all on you,” Derek says instead. “You know as well as I do that different people take things different ways. Maybe push for a little more disclosure next time you go out with someone and make sure you’re on the same page.”

Spencer’s laugh is harsh like it catches in his throat. “I don’t even know what book I’m in, much less the page.”

Derek closes his eyes. He wants to make this right. Make it better for Spencer somehow. 

“If you think this guy’s worth pursuing, call him. Tell him that. If he’s not, chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. But take your time and listen to yourself.”

“Okay,” says Spencer and he sounds less stressed. “Okay, I’ll think about it. ‘Night, Derek.”

“’Night, Spencer. You call me if you need somebody to bounce thoughts off of, okay?”

“Yeah. I will.” And there’s a pause, as if Spencer can’t quite bring himself to hang up but then he does and Derek’s alone again in the dark and the quiet.

\--------------

Two weeks go by. At work Reid is just Reid. Maybe quieter than usual. More contemplative than pensive but it still bothers Derek to see him like that.

It’s a Thursday night the next time the caller ID on his phone says “Spencer” but they all worked through the previous weekend and the higher ups have deemed them worthy of a three-day weekend to make up for it. 

“Hey, how’ve you been?” Derek asks like he didn’t just see the man two hours ago. 

“I think I’ve made a decision,” Spencer says, and Derek would have thought he’d have decided something long before this. “Am I interrupting anything? Are you alone?”

“You’re never interrupting, Spencer, you should know that by now.”

“Are you alone?” Spencer asks again and it’s never been an issue before. Spencer always trusted his discretion no matter how serious what he wanted to talk about was.

“Yeah,” Derek tells him and sprawls out on his couch. “I’m alone, what’s going on?”

Derek’s doorbell rings and the phone in his hand goes silent. He’s not at all surprised to find Spencer standing at his door. He wears a different sweater-vest than he had on at work and his hair is still shower-damp. This is the stuff of Derek’s fantasies and still he feels his heart start to pound with anxiety. 

He knows he’s been staring too long when Spencer squares his shoulders and raises his chin. His smile is uncertain but determined. “I’d like to take you out to dinner,” he says and Derek’s stomach does a little twist. 

“Shit,” Derek sighs out. “You don’t know how much I’d like that but this is such a bad bad idea.”

Spencer’s lips quirk into a half-smile. “Tell me how bad over steak because we’ve got reservations in forty-five minutes and you might want to change.” 

Derek looks down at his sweats and t-shirt, both still damp from his workout earlier then back up into Spencer’s hopeful eyes. He should say no. This isn’t going to end well. Saying no now would be like kicking a puppy though and he can’t bring himself to do it. 

“You better come in then,” he says. He gestures to the couch and heads off to the bathroom. “Just gimme a minute.”

Derek’s shower lasts ten minutes--five to get clean and five to jerk off because the situation is too complex already without adding imminent sexual tension to the mix. He chooses a dark dress shirt and a pair of jeans to wear. Nice enough for wherever Spencer’s taking him but not so fancy that he makes Spencer look underdressed. 

The slow visual perusal Spencer subjects him to when he comes out into the living room again puts the heat back in his face and the tightness back in his belly. Goddamn this is gonna be a long dinner and he only hopes he has the nerve to do the right thing and the tact to do it in the right way.


End file.
